Jokes
An Italian guy in London
One day Ima gonna London to a bigga hotel. Ina morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pisss toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better no piss on the plate, you sonna na bitch.
Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everone wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say, you better not fock on table, you sonna na bitch. I don even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.
So I go to my room inna hotel, and there isa no shits ona my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna a shit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna shit ina the bed. He say, you better not shit on the bed, you sonna na bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace to you". I say "Piss on you, too, you sonna na bitch. I gonna back to Italy."
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Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine willprobably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to standcloser to the kitchen sink.
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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Little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
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Old Age
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
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One day Ima gonna London to a bigga hotel. Ina morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two pisss toast. She bring me only one piss. I tella her I want two piss. She says go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you better no piss on the plate, you sonna na bitch.
Later I go out to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress bring me a spoon and knife, but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock. She tell me everone wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on the table. She say, you better not fock on table, you sonna na bitch. I don even know the lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.
So I go to my room inna hotel, and there isa no shits ona my bed. I calla the manager and tella him I wanna a shit. He tella me to go to the toilet. I say, you no understand, I wanna shit ina the bed. He say, you better not shit on the bed, you sonna na bitch.
I go to the checkout and the man at the desk say: "Peace to you". I say "Piss on you, too, you sonna na bitch. I gonna back to Italy."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine willprobably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to standcloser to the kitchen sink.
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked "What's on the TV?" I said "Dust!"
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, whom do you let in first? The dog of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"
"Both son. God is both."
After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"
"Both son, both."
The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Old Age
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa's lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally the little girl asks, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"He sure did honey, a long time ago," replies her grandpa.
"Well, did God make me?" asks the little girl.
"Yes, He did, and that wasn't too long ago," answers her grandpa.
"Boy," says the little girl, "He's sure doing a lot better job these days isn't He?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
posted by Inspirational Articles at 1:27 PM
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